blackness vs queerness
There are some stark differences between the two however there are far too many similarities that I’d like to take the time to address and I find the exploration insightful. These themes are perfectionism, self-destruction, and the reproduction of inequality. One difference to highlight is the disparity in progress between the two communities. We can begin with the self-destructive nature that both communities have unfortunately adopted.
The black community has a well-documented history of self-destruction in the form of violence, against men, women, children, businesses, and very ideals of one another. From black boys being subject to violence for centuries, due in part to how black people were taught to raise one another, perpetuated to how they relate to one another. The violence, taking their much-justified rage for their situation out on people that are nearby, which more often than not are black people, leads to this cesspool of hatred. The lack of social cohesion among black people, the common occurrence that a black person is much more likely to trust someone that doesn't look like them prior to trusting someone that looks exactly like them. While in personal experience, the prevalence and history of gang culture in certain areas, myself hailing from Long Beach California, almost contextualizes the lack of social cohesion and self-destructive nature of black folks in a way that makes sense. For people that cannot move, ideas such as fear, respect, protection, and outside perception are of the utmost importance to your very livelihood, thus making the cyclical violence almost understood. (Ex: someone hurt my brother that wears red, I'm going to hurt people that wear red. Someone from red got hurt by the person that was retaliating for the hurting of one's brother. Then they get back at the person or his friends for… see where I am going?) But once exposed to areas that are a bit stripped of that gang culture, yet violence persists [Baltimore], was what solidified the idea of the self-destructive nature of black people. Taking pop culture into consideration, rappers are often the individuals within the black community given status, power, and who folks within the black community want to be. However, it does not take long to see how often black rappers are targeted, robbed, and killed for occupying this position by other black people that would have no chance to occupy that position themselves. Thus this hatred for one another is in part created by institutions that seek to continually marginalize and financially cripple the community, however black people ensure that the cycle will continue even when outside of those financial situations. Regardless of you're vocation, your accomplishment, your contributions to society or the culture, you are not free from the potential violence you face from the folks that look exactly like you when your skin is black.
This self-destructive nature is also seen within queer communities. (While saying the queer communities my greatest reference point is the cis male homosexual community, however, I am also aware that much of these points apply to various sects within the queer community which is why the broad term is being used). Due to many queer persons being ostracized, traumatized, and violated in some way during their adolescent development, many of which do not seek therapeutic assistance to assuage their pain, this is perpetuated in relations amongst other people. I have been in West Hollywood [WeHo] many a night and seen individuals mean-mug other queer people, seemingly just over the fact that they are there. Be that due to them being intimidated, spiteful, personal politics or any other reason, the animosity and anger present amongst many queer spaces is an interesting parallel when black people congregate.
The self-destructive and perfectionist ideals do somewhat go hand in hand. For both black and queer people, there is an expectation of perfection. Black people have to be high achieving, emotionally regulated, and exemplary in every form for others within the community to even look their way or provide any sort of acknowledgment. In comparison, mediocre white men get the praise and adoration exceptional black men to struggle to receive. Just thinking of the black men that are often spoken about in history books (written predominantly by white people), these are exceptional individuals, and cultural icons, however, a just meh white person can be on the same page. Much of the same is true for queer people. To justify their simple existence in spaces they have to be the best, the brightest, and the most deserved praise to receive any. From familial relations to job acceptance, there is the expectation of excellence that is not present for other groups of people. Chris Rock said “In my neighborhood, there are four black people, hundreds of houses, four black people. Who are these black people, well there's me, Mary J Blidge, Jay Z, and Eddie Murphy? Only black people in the whole neighborhood… Do you know what the white man next store to me does for a living? He’s a fucking dentist”. This idea that you have to work twice as hard and be one of the best to ever exist, just to be next to someone not nearly as accomplished within their field and receive the same treatment is a well known inequality within the black community. Yet this is also true for queer people, working so hard to get the validation of their brothers and sisters from family, when they are working harder, achieving more, making more, doing more than their counterparts ever may just for a nod.
Yet there is a stark difference between the black community and queer community, progress. Within the same time frame, the queer community has seen a fast track to progress, to somewhat humane treatment and fought in the face of stigma to receive life-saving treatment that has led to the revitalization and proliferation of a generation of queers that have the privilege to live which their predecessors, unfortunately, did not. And within that same period, black populations have seen a hard stomp into the ground to signify the lack of progress. The only observable difference between the two communities is that white people make up the queer community. That is the ONLY difference between the trajectories of these two communities in terms of the progress made. White people occupying this marginalized group and becoming the faces for it when they were not the ones that put their lives on the line when they were not the ones that received the pain and pushback from society but enjoying all the privileges that their white skin provides is the sole reason white the gay community has seen progress. If the gay community was made up of the black and brown people that started the community, their existence would be erased into obscurity as it was for centuries beforehand. The gay best friends in movie shows, the ones that are in commercials, are all white. While just now we are seeing an inclusivity movement to force 1 person of difference to occupy the gay role for every 5 or six times a white queer person occupies the role, the case is still very much true. Black queerness, besides the blockbuster that was Moonlight, nope. Middle eastern queerness, nope. Asian, nope. Mexican, nope.
Black people are going through the same things there were in the 50s and 60s. The same violence, the same setbacks, the same conversations with children, the same. A book such as To Kill A Mockingbird, which was published in 1960, is still being read to children today. The same social commentary made 20, 30, and 40 years prior are the exact same issues plaguing black people right now. So there has absolutely been a halt. While there are superficial changes, there are now acknowledgments and plaques, and while there are symbolic laws put in place, the consensus state of black people has been the same for decades.
For queer people, while there are certainly many issues that are still plaguing the community and they are by no means free of violence and bigotry, there has been a drastic change. In the aids crisis, with inventions such as PReP and PeP, queer people can significantly reduce the chance of getting HIV and subsequent AIDS, and even for those that contract HIV, there is ART which can reduce one viral load down to a point where it is undetectable and untransmittable allowing folks to lead a pretty normal life, aside from the stigma regarding HIV within the community.
However, these same conversations are not had with black people, with black women being most likely to get HIV and black men being disproportiantely affected by the HIV epidemic. Although sexual wellness and prevention is a point of importance and emphasis for queer populations, still black people are managed to be marginalized. For cis het populations, there is little to no conversation about these things other than putting the onus of responsibility often times on women to prevent pregnancy. This lack of accountablility and the withholding of information is yet another crippling of the community at large.
Colorism is an issue that plagues the black community at large and those within the queer community are not free of it's ills either. Colorism is seen within black relationships, conceptualization of sexual self labels as well as stereotypes perpetuated against black people. Colorism provides those of lighter complexions the freedom to exist as they please, unconfined by the boxes that we put Black people and more specifically more heavily melanated black people into. Racism and subsequent colorism manifest themselves within queer communities a plenty. In a space where masculinity is overperformed to denote some form of separation between men, black men are held to a different standard where their masculinity is expected to be heightened and above all others. The hypermasculinity that black man are held to is almost a prerequisite among queer spaces. These damaging social expectations in tandem with the stereotypes that accompany black men; such as being hypersexual, physically aggressive, hypermasculine, having massive dicks and an assumed sexual proficiency. These correspond with racial fetishes that men of other ethnicities impose upon black men such as the idea that they are “thugs”. It wouldn't take the asking of too many black queer men on dating apps if they've been asked if they have a “bbc '' or have received other harmful and damaging assumptions about them simply due to their blackness. Furthermore, black men and more specifically dark skin black men are more heavily associated with being members of the DL community. The DL community already has connotations of secrecy, sexual promiscuity as well as sexually irresponsible behavior. All these preconceptions of blackness lead to a lack of acceptance of black difference. Black queerness, femininity, and gender fluid expression being met with resistance with mainstream society but also met with resistance from members within the queer ranks.
Yet, both communities have interesting ways of perpetuating the inequalities they face. For black people, their homophobia is rampant still. In part due to their religious indoctrination by Christian zealots to provide some form of legitimacy towards their literal enslavement and perpetually being a rung below their white counterparts. Yet there is also the idea that the queer community would lead to the feminization of man, leading to the erasure of traditional gender roles. Yet I would argue that the feminization of man, while something that is certainly not the queers' fault, is not a bad thing for the black community at large to adopt. Black people exist in a toxic masculine space. They exist in a hyper-masculine space. This hyper-masculinity is a thing that can never be achieved, why because it is not real for human beings, it is an idea that is above humanity that unfortunately, black people aspire to. Thus this lack of emotion and emotional intelligence, overt aggression, and financial and physical domination are not aspects of masculinity that necessarily do our culture any benefit by keeping. We have had a hypermasculine space and that has led to the men that perpetuate that being either dead, in jail, on the way to jail, or just getting out of jail as broken men, crippled by a system that will handicap them for many years after being physically incarcerated. To the black men that scream, queer people are destroying the children, no you are destroying your children by not allowing them to be themselves, through these rigid rules of who they must be and what they must do to be valid within the family and overarching communal eyes. The need to hold onto these ideals of what a “real man” and what a “real woman” are, were created by white people to serve white communities during a time when whiteness ran supreme, these ideals are not transferable to black situations. Patriarchy has done a number on our black people. And until the straight black community acknowledges that their homophobia as well as their ideals on what they want to aspire to are heavily inspired by white people, they will continue to exist in a cycle, confining themselves to a proverbial iron maiden.
The queer community also perpetuates inequality towards black people. The fetishization of black people is a phenomenon that I have experienced personally. During the black lives matter movement, it didn't take too long to look into a crowd to find a sign that went along the lines of “don't kill black people, who are gonna fuck me now” rhetoric splayed. Black people being reduced to stereotypes, misconceptions and their humanity denied by a community that knows all too well about marginalization is quite disappointing to experience personally. While I have received somewhat decent treatment, that is due to my being conventionally attractive to these individuals to overpower the fact that my skin is black. But let me be less so, and the treatment would be as blatant as ever (might delete, unnecessary). White communities continue to dominate the queer space, in part due to them being the ones with the economic capital to create these spaces and maintain them, thus the exclusionary nature of being queer is only magnified once blackness is thrown into the mix. To be gay and queer means to be relegated to a small sector of queerness and have much of the rest denied to you, when it was on you're back that the very community was built.
Furthermore, the current societal spotlight on queer people and what as well as what is not socially acceptable about them is a big topic of conversation. White queers having the voice to cancel black people for seeming slights when the point was not queerness but black marginalization is why the occupancy of white people within the queer community and being at the fore of such is so detrimental. With a case such as Dave Chappelle’s, while I do not by any means condone transphobic comments or the like, his point was not to call people faggots, but to highlight that he was not a nigger. Yet the calling of himself a nigger yet outrage at the use of the word faggot is the exact point that white people, regardless of whatever other marginalized group they occupy can prove still very much damaging to already marginalized communities.
While queerness is being more societally accepted (begrudgingly so), blackness has seen a stagnation so egregious that it is almost overlooked. It is how things have been. That is how things will remain. Black people and queer people can have the same marches. But queer people will surface from those marches bruised but with rights because white people occupy queer ranks. Black people will only surface from those marches with bruises and no progress to show for it.
This intersection of hypermasculinity with queer energy leads to volatile reprecussions, as can be seen with what happened to the now late O'Shae Sibley. Black men, of all walks of life are presentd with a conflict that is hard to not only define but to address due to its innate nature once one comes to understand that they are black and what that means not only personally but within the larger picture that is America. This inability to represent key aspects of humanity in order to maintain the facade hypermasculinity has created has done immense damage to the black community. This is represented in not just the lives lost but the lives unable to be lived in a true and authentic way.
This internal conflict, this resistance to anything feminine is so palpable. Because masculinity and femininity are both essential aspects of the human experience. And by burying one side of experience, it leads to this friction. This want and need to be seen as a human and not torn down for experiencing life like everyone else. So many accounts of black men describing how they procss pain and grief is alone, keeping a poker fac towards the entirety of the world yet break down once alone, as if that is how things are supposed to be. Yet this pent up emotion manifests in incredible insecurity.
This wretch against the feminine shows truly that in this hypermasculine space, there is no room made for it. All things feminine are looked down upon. Thus eliciting the ire that many a gay man receive, due to their innate/ percieved proximity to the feminine. Their struggle against the box they confine themsevles in manifests in the violence that is oten suffered by those that embody feminine energy, be that spouses, partners or the random bystander. The same energy that leads to a trans woman suffering violence is the same vein that lead to this tradgedy and along the same vein that woman of all kinds have and will suffer in the future.
While these occurences are dissapointing, by no means are they surprising. The self destructive environment that black people as a whole exist in is bound to cosume its members one by one until nothing is left. This cancerous tumor that grows within the black body comes to erode all attempt at social cohesion or progress if left unattended. While I cannot hope that there is no solution, I have no idea of one, other than nuturing the next generation of black children. So they do not inflict pain on one another the way that every single generation previously has.
Its so fascinating how binary individuals in drastically different communities exist in. The man to woman binary in the hetero world and the man to man, woman to woman binary in queer worlds is easily understood as well. Yet at the prospect of bisexuality there is a wrench thrown in things. There is immediate resistance and revulsion from both sides.
From queer circles theres the look amongst friends and the eye roll of annoyance, with the common notion that bisexuality is a way point for individuals on their queer journey not yet completely coming to terms with their sexuality in totality so they say bisexual to soften the blow, to themselves as well as family and friends. The closer one is to straight, the better in their eyes. Thus the exasperation from queers, having seen the straight to bi to totally homo has been seen for years and will be seen for many more, and the sentiment doesnt necessarily come from annoyance as much as it does from how repetitive things become.
From straight circles, there is a simple binary. Its either youre straight or gay. I have had many a young woman quote their bald headed father say “aint no such thing a bi, either he straight or gay but aint no in between”, thus leading to the wave of women, particularly in the black community that shudder at the thought of having a bisexual man for a partner. The disgust of men being together, and automatically categorizing him as effeminate for that act, on top of the notion that bisexuality is synonymous with infidelity cooks up a gumbo of trouble.
Thus interestingly enough from both sides, there is two parties shouting “youre crazy”. Now to the point of both parties, starting with the queers it is true that many individuals go from straight to bi to homo and thats their way of rationalizing things and taking baby steps. From the straight community, (I personally) would say it is true that queerness isnt retractable and to be straight and queer is oxymoronic, they cannot coexist, its either one or the other in certain senses.
Yet to refute both parties, for the individuals who the bi label seemingly sticks to, for months or years, after the grace period of them seemingly transitioning to being fully homo should have occurred is up, i do not understand what the trouble is.
Its so fascinating to see the insecurity it breeds amongst both parties. Women dating bisexual men often feel like they dont have the “tools” to keep their partner satisfied in the long run. And if that man has experienced men in the past, there is the disgust of them being with another man. For men dating bisexual women (which has become much more socially acceptable in recent years in part due to the way women are sexualized and the WLW isn't totally accepted and as seen as an extension of a heteronormative fantasy), the man doesn't really respect the woman’s bisexuality. The sentiment is that the woman never found the “right” guy and that's what the “experimentation” with women is a product of.
While it is understood that some use their proximity to heteronormativity to benefit in queer spaces, (problematic topic for another day). But the majority do not and it is their reality. Respecting that just as one respects everyone else I think is beneficial in general.
Perhaps the dismissal of identity is just the cause of my writing. It does irk me a tad thus i took this opportunity to simply vent.
Good day
“Choosing ‘THAT’ lifestyle” is something i hear on a pretty consistent basis. Whatever letter of the alphabet community the individual may encompass, it is often sentiment that these members chose this life. They chose this existence. They chose to be so utterly different from the norm.
Tangentially, I think it is so interesting how pop culture is shifting into queer aesthetics. From music, to lingo, to photography and the very culture. This dabbling into and skimming the surface for what they perceive queerness to be, making it a reductive bare bones attempt is just so lazy, but i digress.
To anyone that thinks the alphabet members chose this life, just ask yourself one question, “would you choose to suffer?” What individual do you know that would choose suffering, just cause? Most conscious individuals understand the predicament that queer people face, even during a transformative period that is the accepting sentiment of today.
The violence and vitriol that members are subject to simply for existing, I don’t think anyone would choose. The constant cognitive dissonance as a result of much of mainstream society attempting to convince you that you are crazy, is even more alarming. The possibility of losing family, friends, and entire social networks due to your identity is not a route i think people would willfully choose either.
It is no coincidence that so many members of the queer community have mental health conditions. Their conditions are not indicative of them being impacted individuals to begin with, but is more so a testament to the compounding factors of pain that these individuals must experience on a daily basis. This suffering is not a choice.
While i have the privilege of being ignorant of the constant self monitoring or judgment when existing in the “real world”, so many of my counterparts do not. They have to monitor every word, how they say things, how they carry themselves and their very thoughts. This balance on the ladder is a dangerous and draining activity that so many have no choice but to embark on every day.
So once again i must ask the question again, “who would choose suffering?”
For a masculine, heteronormative presenting individual that can blend into everyday society without a misstep, there is little to no clash.
But for the more effeminate, for the gender queer, those that want to express themselves through dress differently than norm, trans individuals, all these persons do not have that luxury. The very act of stepping outside on a daily basis is a battle, a constant cognitive clash and a subsequent win to make it home. I am highly doubtful that any would choose that conflict, when life’s ills in general are enough to deal with.
The act of repressing who you are, can be not only psychologically damaging but lead to physiological symptoms as well. This “choice” is an act of self preservation. To just be able to withstand daily life. To be able to comfortably exist within ones own head.
Thus the limp wrists, the eyelashes and makeup, the binders, the different pronouns, the different kind of voices, the pills, the transitions, the same gender partners, the utterly different way of life. None of these acts are choices. They are necessities to continue living.
I will leave you with this example, Jane Elliot (wonderful woman) once asked a question to an auditorium full of white students in which she posed
“I want every white person in this room, who would be happy to be treated as this society in general treats their black citizens… please stand. If you white folks in this society want to be treated the way blacks are… please stand”
As you can guess, no one stood. Everyone knows what is going on. They know that this treatment isn’t wanted for themselves. The exact same example can be done with a room full of heterosexuals. Everyone understand that it is still preferential to be straight. Society works if you’re straight. TV, music, traditions, mannerisms, the entire world appeases heterosexuality. Thus I don’t think it is a leap to assume that those that go, against the world are not doing so just to be obtuse but as a matter of necessity.
It has been so fascinating to witness the reproduction of misogyny in queer spaces. For ideals indelibly linked with femininity and freedom of expression, seeing how in many sectors of the queer community these freedoms have rolled back has been quite alarming. As queer visibility continues to increase, the diaspora of queerness (at least here in America) becomes apparent. It is becoming clear to mainstream society that queerness is not a monolith, with individuals from all walks of life and all different types of expressions. Yet sadly, within many of these spaces there is the same disdain for the feminine that has been ingrained in all of us through mainstream society.
Perhaps part of me shouldn't be surprised that those marginalized, continue to marginalize themselves and categorize themselves in some hierarchy of importance even at the bottom of the food chain, yet I am disappointed nonetheless.
Many come into queer spaces, feeling suffocated and out of touch, unable to express themselves as they truly feel inside. The introduction and ingratiation within these queer spaces allows them to express themselves as they truly are, with the love and support of many by their side. For example, men dabbling into many feminine concepts or the transition of many a queer person from their gender ascribed at birth to something different and more inline with their self concept.
With this context you would assume that the feminine is held as paramount and interestingly enough, in many regards it is. From the transition of many individuals it has been revealed to me how sacred femininity is to so many individuals and the immense sense of power that comes with that. I have watched people bloom from shy and insecure people to confident individuals whose presence dominates a room through their embracing of their feminine side.
Yet interestingly enough there is this tangential undertone of misogyny that accompanies all of this. It can most easily be seen by some queer men’s treatment of trans women and non-binary individuals. For individuals at large that are maligned and ostracized by mainstream society, it makes sense for all the alphabet members to treat each other like family, bonded by pain. Yet trans women and non-binary people are consistently treated as the bottom of the barrel even within queer spaces. Many a queer man still refuse to acknowledge trans women as women, call them the proper pronouns and disparage them in identical ways to their cis-het counterparts. Genderqueer individuals are treated as though they are sick and doing too much, with a massive hooplah given about pronouns and the application of them. This boils down even further towards queer men tearing each other down for femininity.
The hatred that many a queer man receives is not necessarily because of their bedroom activities but because it represents an “other”, something foreign, something feminine. This association of queerness to femininity brings the ire. The gay son thot daughter question, while becoming a cultural play is relevant due to how the two are viewed. A gay son is seen as equivalent to a daughter, due to the feminine aspects associated with queerness and that “violation” of gender stereotypes is what causes the judgment and often rage.
Masculine queer men do not receive the malice from society the way more effeminate queers do. The frank oceans of the world, that balance a perfect level of vulnerability and femininity within their art but reflect in mannerism and cadence almost identical to a straight man makes it palpable or individuals across the spectrum to enjoy their work. Even an individual such as Jacob Elordi, that even hint towards male crushes and queer coded roles, are lusted after due to their abundance of masculinity.
Masculine queer men are seen to be at the top of the proverbial totem pole within many a queer space, replicating the cis-het social norms that queer people of abundance tried to escape from. The hatred I have witnessed queer individuals receive for changing pronouns, wearing makeup, heels, skirts or anything more effeminate from members of their own community has been jaw dropping.
It is so disappointing that marginalized people have been so successfully indoctrinated that they continue their subjugation on their own. Instead of stepping out of the box entirely, they take the leap of faith out of the proverbial box, only to place themselves into their self imposed ones. So often queer men want an individual and to be surrounded by those that are “normal”, that normal word a substitute for the closest thing they could get to hetero individuals, that they forget that normality goes out the window once they join said community.
These ideals of “being a man’ and wanting to maintain a masculinity that was reflected and celebrated in their childhood lead to such turmoil. Now as said in previous, writings there is nothing wrong with preference. But as is a point made by black omen when black men often describe their reasoning for not dating black women, instead of just saying their preference they take any opportunity to disparage the other, in this case the other being queer people that act anything outside of the toxic masculine ideal.
The psychological pain that must come from individuals wanting to still fit within a box that was never meant for them must be intense. Yet the projection of this pain onto already vulnerable populations within the queer community is reductive and plain harmful.
It can be seen with many a young queer in relationships as they grow and explore themselves more, one may lean into an aspect of queerness such as more feminine tropes or gender queerness such as having different pronouns from those in line with gender ascribed at birth, leading to dissonance and eventual separation.
As queer visibility increases, I hear many a black man say that "theyre trying to destroy masculinity" and they want to bring back ages when "men were men". Yet the societal transition doesnt emmasculate men, it humanizes them. To be a "traditional man" is to lack emotion and personality. The traditional man is a cog in a wheel; replaceable; forgettable.
The hypermasculine space that these older generations of black men that exist in, which provided them no space to feel, no space to express themselves, no space to do anything but go to work and provide is not the epitome of humanity that they think their experience was due to it being all they were taught and allowed. By allowing subsequent generations the freedoms that they did not have the liberty to experience, it leads to only a greater quality of life for all those involved. For heterosexual couples, there is always a clear cut and rigid definition of roles to follow and ways to act, yet these ways of being often left both parties feeling unfulfilled and resentful of one another. It is once the men were allowed to feel that their female spouses were able to become more emotionally fulfilled and vice versa.
With individuals like Ryan Reynolds being the epitome of balance of the heterosexual masculine and feminine, this individual is whom men feel most comfortable expressing as their man crush. While this is not me casting aspersions upon the man, this simple open and confident display of humanity which encompasses masculine and feminine should not be such a spectacle.
By being close minded to change and versatility, it leads to stagnation and oppression. It should be the priority of queers to ensure that all within their alphabet umbrella feel welcomed because they personally understand what it feels like not to be. The world is already against all that is different, and that different is embodied by the feminine. Those that chose to embrace that aspect of self should not be maligned but instead celebrated for existing as their authentic selves. I do not know what can be said to highlight the humanity of the individuals that queers try to make seem as less worthy but this essay is my haphazard attempt to begin the conversation.
Even romantically, feminine men while certainly enjoyed by a specific demographic often face ire from queers at large. POC, Black, feminine men in specific are often put down or treated as wrong because of the masculinization of black people in general. Thus black trans women are given the rawest end of the stick in that way, forcing them to be hyperfeminine to even begin to acknowledge their identity.
These feminine entities are alsoheld to drastically higher standards than their more masculine counterparts as well. The feminine queers be them gay men, feminine lesbians or trans women are all held to be soft, smell delicate and dainty with suerlative hygiene while their more masculine counterparts are accepted if smelling sour, with rough features and lack of maintenance just accepted and even celebrated to some extent.
Even within the community it is so fascinating to see the lack of feminine love. The feminine queers rarely being seen in relationships with other feminine presenting men. This same anomoly can be seen within lesbian relationships with fem/fem wlw relationships being rare.
It is only with non-binary entities that i have seen there being some grace with how individuals express their femininity, yet even then there is a policing as to how individuals should be non-binary with some demanding a combination of masculine and feminine to even be deemed a "valid" non-binary individual.
The way femininity is policed and at the same time despised even within queer spaces that are supposed to be safe havens for such topics is alarming and dissapointing. Acknowledging the issue is the first step for individuals to go in the right direction. The next is calling out the issues when you see them take place in real time. I hope to discuss more and provide further solution as they come to me.
Whenever the issue of fetishization is brought up, peoples mind immediately go to the wildest of kinks. However, the fetishization of brown people, Black bodies in specific (particularly due to my ignorance of the ways other brown populations have been maligned), has been a prevalent concept for centuries.
My revelation to the concept has completely changed how i viewed intimacy within black interracial relationships and no matter how much i try to look at things with rose colored classes, I cannot. It is particularly troublesome given my background of not only growing up in a ethnically and culturally diverse city like Long Beach but also growing up in a black and Mexican household in which i naively thought love was simply love. I wouldnt exist if it werent for my grandmother breaking the law at the time, marrying & having children with a black man as a hispanic woman. Interracial marriage was overturned in 1967 in Loving v. Virginia, meaning that my mother was born a bi-racial crime. However, these innocent ideals were quickly dispelled given my interactions and experiences in the real world. The love is not and pure and reality is quite bleak, thus making those rose colored glasses quite grey.
I became aware of the term “jungle fever” in high school, when discussing white women and black men. Given many a young white girls preoccupation with black boys of a certain lifestyle and absolute refusal to entertain anyone outside of that, it opened my eyes to the tip of the iceberg. There was this visceral, palpable lust that these young girls exhibited toward these young boys. Unfortunately these young black boys were already caught up in the hypermasculine entrapment imposed by society, thus they did not care how they were being perceived simply as a piece of meat and saw it as an opportunity to get pussy. This conquering of women, and beginning of a harmful relationship with intimacy as well as their self concept was furthered along. This “jungle fever” proved to be just that as these young girls and their unbridled lust for these black boys faded away and what was left was reality for them. These young girls grew up and moved on to their white boyfriends and subsequent husbands, to further achieve their American dream. Thus proving that black boys were a moment, a fling, a dark whirlwind of desire and nothing more, soon forgotten in the lifespan.
However, many still would label this simply as lust that could be chalked up to teenage hormones running rampant. However, when diving a bit further it becomes clear. Rarely the male counterpart (in heterosexual cases) ever desire black women's bodies in the same way that others desire black male bodies. And if there is the desire, it is raunchy, reductive and dehumanizing in the same way. But often times we do not see White, Asian, Latinx men with black women but we often see white, asian, latinx women with black men. These same patterns are replicated in queer spaces as well. When black queers express how problematic individuals of other ethnicities can be towards black men, often times they are discounted as bitter and lonely. When black women express how women of other ethnicities are not loving these men but fetishizing them, they are told to be quiet and that their opinions are result of misery. These observations often coming truthfully from a place of honest care and wanting to protect their kin, but due to the force that is hypermasculinity, it often blinds men of the truth and deafens their ears to reason.
Hypermasculinity leads always to insecurity due to being unable to attain the masculinity ascribed thus it creates an unhealthy concoction of misogyny and uncertainty. By not respecting women enough, they do not take their views as disrespect and thus the fetishization is not a serious issue.
“_______ men/women belong with black men” insert any non black group of people you choose and it has been said. When asking individuals why they prefer black men, it is only then that they begin to stumble and fall on their own reasoning. Everything from “how they treat me” to “more confidence” and any other arbitrary reason is made yet all these reasons simply imply that black men are a monolith and should be treated and held to such expectations. These questions and conversations often devolve into such discomfort for the non black person that they shut down.
It's not necessary that these attractions are harmful with intent. And I am also not saying that individuals cannot be very much in love and care for these black bodies, but by refusing to acknowledge their humanity, there is an aspect to love and care that will never be broached and thus an ultimate disservice will continuously be done to these black bodies until these non black people are made aware and avidly work towards humanity. Often times, when black women are in relationships with non black men, these non black men worship these women. There is a clear relationship based on respect and almost consistently a level of deference from the males part. The same cannot be said for non black women and non black queer men. (I say non black because even other POC groups exhibit racism towards black men unabashed. Any group you think would have comradery with black plight simultaneously fetishizes them in the same ways white people fetishize the POC groups if not worse. )
This fetishization is product of racism ultimately. The reduction of ones humanity, allowing these entities to be reduced to their sexual components is what made the assult of these bodies for centuries permissible. If one looks at individuals as like themselves, there is a cognitive dissonance that would arise after committing such heinous actions of these people but if reduced to subhuman, that cognitive dissonance goes away.
This racism spurred on the hypermasculine tropes that lead to such problems within the black community now. Yet these concepts of strength, sexual prowess, lack of emotion, and more are reflected in the way these men are desired. The “thug” trope is pushed so easily. With the adultification of black teenagers, their manhood is pressed upon them. Thus gays and women alike congregate in masses towards the strong black men with their crotches made damp and their heads empty of anything respectful towards these bodies. Heads filled with thoughts they’d seldom echo outside of the confines of bedroom privacy. The fantasies of being roughed up, and slapped around, of black men with their tattoos and muscles coupled with a cartoonishly large member to bring the fantasy around has been had for centuries and will be had for many more. The problem is, many individuals stop at just that… the fantasy. Never paying any attention to the person behind the skin, behind the tropes, behind the violence that is these stereotypes and you're lust.
When i have thought of a solution, I will revisit. But the first step of working through a problem is acknowledging that there is one.
Black History Month is a sad reminder of our stagnation. The beautiful deep black ebony that I visualize black history month bathing at least America in, has never been that. Reduced to kufis and black folks on posters for a few days does not suffice.
It now being 2024, the fanfare around black lives importance has died. The supporting of black businesses has lost its lacquer and we have went back to our normal lives.
The danger of the political correctness and the faux support now is that we have no idea where people really stand. People are being kind and respectful to save face, not because they truly feel like that.
Perhaps my most conscious fault currently is my conception of race. How i see it mediating all my interactions and flowing into the very fabric of our society. I am not at all saying that it doesnt and it isnt, however being consciously aware of that 24/7 is a bit exhausting. This can lead to me looking at innocent interactions with jaded eyes. This can and has lead to an inability to perceive the difference between how I am desired, if for who I am as a human or due to what I represent to suffice the black fetish that is subconsciously implanted within so many of us.
The older I get, I am now able to see in real time the transformation of desire and the peeling back of what it truly was underneath. I see the very individuals that used to drool over black men with an unabashed desire, now move onto their partners of their respective ethnicities, getting serious and settling down. These individuals that could not keep their hands off of black men, “maturing” and settling into their lives.
It served as a perfect illustration that to most of the world, the black body is a trend. It is something to lust after when you are young. The young black individual is the embodiment of what is youthful, cool and trendy. You can see it in pop culture. Yet this signaling and subsequent discarding of us leaves an indelible imprint on our psyche.
From the BBL’s to the lip filler, the spray tanning and hairstyles; it has been made clear that blackness is wanted, yet only for a moment, and only so much. Once society has had their fill, they discard the once coveted thing and return to their baseline.
Personally, experiencing what it is to be fetishized,by a spectrum of ethnicities opened my eyes to how universal it is. Sitting in a car listening to an asian girl describe that “asian girls and black guys belong together” and when she commented how black women called her out for her fetishization, she vehemently denied it, when that is clearly what it was.
It is so concerning when you often cannot see that you are being fetishized until it is too late. Until an offhand comment is made. Until they make the mistake of becoming comfortable and laying their hands bare. It is a disappointing revelation yet one that I have come to expect. From relational intimacy to platonic friendships I have become jaded and race is the first thing I see, with humanity following short after.
It is a shame, being a young boy growing up in Long Beach, California. Long Beach might be one of the most diverse places a young person can grow up. From philipinos, to Samoans, caucasians, mexicans, black people, and the whole gamut across, it was made clear at a very early age that people looked different, and people were different but we were all people.
Yet the older I get the more things seem to regress. The egalitarian ideals we were graced with as children did not extend to the real world sadly. Even in academic spaces, the topic of race was either put blatantly at the fore, or tucked away in the corner. The idea that I only got into schools due to being a black boy and the subsequent full ride i earned simply a diversity case.
I … (tbc)